Help isn’t help if you’re still the project manager

Transcript

One of the least helpful things that a partner can say to a postpartum mom that sounds like help but is not is just tell me what to do. Just ask for help because on the surface it makes sense, right? Of course we should ask for help but here is what gets missed. If you are the one who always has to notice what needs to be done, has to decide what matters most, and then you have to delegate it to someone else, you are still carrying the full mental load of that task. So asking for help doesn't actually get anything off your plate except the visible labor. And then that person gets a pat on the back and what you get nothing. So when you're thinking about how to support a new mom, it's not just responding when asked, it's actually learning to see what needs to be done. That is actually what's truly supportive.