Becoming a mom comes with losses we don’t talk about enough

Transcript

Here are three things that I did not realize that I would grieve as a new mom. Hi, if you don't know me, I'm Dr. Jana. I'm a licensed psychologist who specializes in moms. Number one, I grieved my freedom. Like I was so used to just grabbing my keys and going to the gym or just not having to answer to anyone. And then suddenly your whole life revolves around everyone else's needs. And that was such a strange feeling for me. And number two, I grieved my body autonomy. me. Like pregnancy is so beautiful, but it's also a time where your body is not your own. Your body energy and all the calories you're eating are going to feeding a baby and postpartum is kind of no different. You don't really have full control over your body, especially if you're nursing. And that was so weird for me. And number three, I really grieved feeling productive. Before I became a mom, I really measured my days, for better or worse, by what I accomplished. And then suddenly when I became a mom, I felt exhausted and depleted by the end of the day. But I would reflect back and be like, what have I actually done today? It felt like such unproductive time to me personally, even though I was working really hard and I was exhausted. It took me a long time to kind of internalize that keeping a tiny human alive is productive, but it didn't feel that way in the beginning. Part of my journey through motherhood was realizing that grieving these losses doesn't mean that I regret becoming a mom because I didn't. I love my kids, but it didn't mean that my life changed in really profound and meaningful ways. And I found that talking about it helped me feel less alone. So if this is you, please realize you are not alone. So many moms feel this way. I felt that way and you are not a bad mom if you're grieving how your life has changed. We are allowed to be sad about things that we miss.