How to Make Mom Friends: Where to Look and What to Say

In the video above, my advice is to go first. She may be hoping someone else will ask, too. A small invitation is enough to find out.

Why is it so hard to make mom friends?

A lot of women in their 20s and 30s tell me they're struggling to find the friendships they really want, and a baby makes it harder. Friendships used to come with structure built in: school, roommates, coworkers, the same people every week. Now your schedule runs on naps, you're tired, and your friends may be in a different season of life.

Many of the moms I work with also don't live near family, and that matters for more than company. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists lists lack of support from others, and stressful life events such as moving to a new city, among the factors that can greatly increase the risk of postpartum depression (ACOG, 2024). Building your people on purpose is worth the awkwardness.

Then there's the waiting. Imagine a room with 30 people in it. If everybody feels too uncomfortable to put themselves out there, to be vulnerable, to ask for what they need, then nobody gets their needs met.

Where can I meet other moms?

Go where moms already are, and look for things that repeat. Seeing the same faces every week is how strangers start to feel familiar, and that's where a lot of friendships start.

• Library baby and toddler story times. Often free, often weekly, and full of moms who also needed to get out of the house.
• Mom walking groups and coffee meetups. Here in Austin, I see them posted online all the time, and most cities have something similar. Look for local parenting groups on social media and on the apps built for meeting other moms, and join a few.
• New-parent groups that keep the same small group for several weeks. The repetition is the point. If you're local, I keep a list of support groups and new-parent groups in Austin.
• Online support groups. Postpartum Support International runs free online groups led by trained peer supporters, including one for first-time moms and many for specific experiences (PSI, 2026). You'll get support, and you'll meet moms who get it.
• Places you already go. The same playground at the same time each week, daycare drop-off, a baby music or swim class, your faith community, a parents' group at work.
• The people already in your phone. Go through your texts. Who reached out after the baby came? Who offered to help when you said, "No, I'm fine"? The coworker who had a baby last year, the neighbor with a toddler, the friend of a friend who's also on leave. They might not be in your inner circle yet, and they still count.

You don't need to do all of these. Pick one or two you can get to regularly and keep going back.

How do I go from small talk to an actual friendship?

Go first. This is what I tell moms more than anything else. Get her number. Text her. Asking can feel vulnerable. Keep it small enough to try, even if it feels a little awkward.

Imagine being on the other side of it. Another mom says, "Hey, do you want to grab coffee?" You'd feel seen, maybe even a little honored. That's the gift you give someone when you go first.

Make the ask small and specific. "Our babies are about the same age. Want to swap numbers and do a walk sometime?" works better than "We should hang out." Even better: "We're at the park by the library most Thursdays around 10. Come find us."

Follow up, then make it a habit. Text her within a few days. A standing Thursday walk adds up hours much faster than an occasional coffee. If you know her from story time, you could suggest a walk afterward.

Share a little more each time. Small talk about naps is a fine start. Friendship grows when someone says something real, like "Honestly, this week was rough." You can be the one who says it first.

Be a good villager. Small signs that you remember her matter. Remember that her baby had shots on Monday and ask how the night went. Drop off a coffee. If you want good friends, you have to be a good friend.

Keep it easy. Come as You Are: How to Keep Your Friendships Going After a Baby has ideas for low-pressure get-togethers, with new friends and old ones.

What if it's awkward, or she doesn't text back?

It's going to feel awkward. It feels awkward for almost everyone, so you're in good company.

Your brain is probably also being harder on you than she is. Erica Boothby at Cornell University and colleagues found that after conversations, people consistently underestimated how much the other person liked them and enjoyed their company. They called it the liking gap. It showed up between strangers meeting in a lab and between first-year college students getting to know their dorm mates, where it lasted for months (Boothby et al., 2018). So the replay in your head on the drive home ("I talked way too much about sleep") is probably harsher than anything she's thinking.

If she doesn't text back, remember that she has a baby too, and maybe 40 unread messages. One friendly follow-up is fine. If that goes nowhere, let it go without deciding it says something about you, and try someone else.

Not every mom you meet will be your person. You're looking for a few people, not everyone at the playground, and it often takes more invitations than you'd like before one turns into a real friendship. You can feel a little stung and keep going anyway.

When is pulling away a sign of something more?

Some weeks, what keeps you home is bigger than logistics or nerves. You don't want to see anyone, including people you love. That's worth paying attention to.

It's time to talk to a professional if you notice:

• Pulling away from friends and family, like canceling plans again and again because seeing people feels like too much, even when the logistics are fine (Office on Women's Health, 2023)
• Losing interest or pleasure in things you usually enjoy (NIMH, 2023)
• A sad, anxious or empty mood most of the day, nearly every day, for two weeks or more (NIMH, 2023)
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness or hopelessness (NIMH, 2023)
• Avoiding other moms because you're sure they'll see you're failing
• Anxiety that keeps you from leaving the house, even when part of you wants to go

If you're thinking about suicide or need crisis support, call or text 988. Call 911 if you or your baby is in immediate danger. For support that isn't an emergency, you can call or text Postpartum Support International's HelpLine at 1-800-944-4773.

Depression and isolation can feed each other. In a 2023 review of 27 qualitative studies, Katherine Adlington and colleagues at University College London found that women with perinatal depression described isolating themselves and hiding their symptoms because of stigma and fear of being judged a "bad mother." What helped included understanding from health professionals, support from family, and peer support from other moms who'd been through it (Adlington et al., 2023). Connection with people who understand, the very thing depression makes harder to reach for, is part of what eased the loneliness.

Postpartum Depression Symptoms walks through what to look for, and New Mom Anxiety: 7 Signs It's Time to Talk to Someone can help if worry is what's keeping you home. You don't have to be sure what's going on before you reach out, and you don't have to wait until it's "bad enough."

If you'd like to talk it through with me, you can book a free 15-minute consultation. I see moms in person in Austin, TX, and online throughout Texas and 40+ PSYPACT states.

The mom at story time may be waiting for someone to go first, too. It can be you.

Sources

• Adlington K, Vasquez C, Pearce E, et al. 'Just snap out of it' – the experience of loneliness in women with perinatal depression: a meta-synthesis of qualitative studies. BMC Psychiatry, 2023.
• American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Postpartum Depression (FAQ091). Published April 2024, last reviewed December 2025.
• Boothby EJ, Cooney G, Sandstrom GM, Clark MS. The liking gap in conversations: do people like us more than we think? Psychological Science, 2018.
• National Institute of Mental Health. Perinatal Depression. Revised 2023.
• Office on Women's Health, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Postpartum Depression. Updated October 2023.
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. What to Expect.
• Postpartum Support International. Perinatal Mental Health: Signs, Symptoms and Treatment and Get Help.