Your First Holidays With a New Baby

Start with your partner

A lot of holiday conflict between couples starts with decisions made one at a time, under pressure, with family on the phone. Sit down together before the invitations need answers. If you’re parenting solo, do this with whoever is on your team this season.

• Which events matter most to each of us? Each of you picks two or three.
• How long will we stay? Decide on a time to leave before you go.
• Where will the baby eat and sleep at each place?
• Who is watching for the baby’s cues, and for when I’m running out of steam?
• What’s our signal that it’s time to go?
• Who tells which family, and what will we say if someone pushes back?

Then each of you talks to your own family. A “no” often lands better coming from their own son or daughter, and it keeps one of you from becoming the person who “changed everything.”

Three questions for every invitation

You don’t have to go to everything. The first year with a baby is a reasonable year to do less, and most of these gatherings will happen again next year.

Someone may be disappointed. That doesn’t mean you made the wrong call. You can care about how they feel and still keep your plan.

Travel, hosting, and your baby’s first winter

If you travel, stay somewhere with your own space to sleep and feed if you can, plan the drive around feeds and naps, and remember that shorter trips count. If you stay home, “this year, you come to us” is a complete plan, and guests can bring the food.

Flu, RSV, and other viruses spread most in the colder months, which is also when families get together. Ask your pediatrician what they recommend for your baby and for the people who’ll be around your baby, including vaccines. Then tell family ahead of time:

• “If you’re feeling sick, let’s do a video call this time.”
• “Please wash your hands before you hold the baby.”
• “We’re asking everyone not to kiss the baby’s face this winter.”

What to say when it comes up

Most of the hard moments are predictable. Having the words ready makes them easier to say, and you can send many of them by text before the event.

Unsolicited advice

“Thanks. We’ve talked with our pediatrician, and this is what’s working for us.”

Comments about feeding

“This is what works for our family right now.”

Comments about your body

“I’d rather not talk about my body. How’s the new job going?”

“Let me take the baby so you can relax”

“I’m good holding the baby right now. I’ll hand them over in a bit.”

Pressure to stay longer

“We’ve loved being here. The baby’s done, so we’re heading out.”

Photos of the baby online

“We’re sharing photos ourselves, so please don’t post the baby yet.”

“So when’s the next one?”

“We’re still getting used to this one.”

Traditions: keep, change, or start new

This is the first year your new family decides what the holidays look like. Some traditions will matter more than ever. Others you may have been keeping because someone else expected it. Talk through what each of you loved growing up, what you dread, and one thing you’re skipping this year. Small new traditions work well with a baby: a photo in the same spot every year, an ornament with the year on it, or a letter to your baby about this first season.