I Hate Being Pregnant: Is That Normal, and When to Get Help

Moms tell me they're scared to admit this because of what it might say about them. In the video above, I talk about why those feelings deserve room, and when it helps to talk with someone.

Is it normal to hate being pregnant?

Yes. In my practice, I see so many moms who are scared to admit it, because they think it means they won't love their baby, or that they're already a bad mom.

Pregnancy is a massive physical, emotional, and identity shift. For some moms it brings real joy. For others it brings anxiety, discomfort, a loss of control, or grief for the life they had before.

Common doesn't make it easy, but it does mean your reaction isn't a character flaw.

Why do I feel so guilty for not enjoying pregnancy?

Because the story you've been handed leaves no room for it. You're supposed to glow. People tell you to enjoy every minute, that you're so lucky, that you'll miss this. Almost nobody posts from the bathroom floor.

When your experience doesn't match that picture, guilt fills the gap. If it took a long time to get pregnant, or you've had a loss, the guilt can be sharper: I wanted this so badly. How can I hate it?

You can be thankful to be pregnant and still hate throwing up every morning. Saying the second part out loud doesn't cancel the first.

Guilt also grows in silence. When nobody around you admits pregnancy is hard, you assume you're the only one. It can help to tell someone what pregnancy has actually been like for you.

Does hating pregnancy mean I won't love my baby?

How you feel about pregnancy is a reaction to pregnancy: to the nausea, the exhaustion, a body that's changing fast, and a life that's being rearranged. Your relationship with your child is a separate thing, and much of it gets built after you meet. Hating the first part doesn't decide how the rest goes, or what kind of mom you'll be.

Love doesn't always arrive on a schedule, even after birth. The American Academy of Pediatrics says, "It's also quite normal if you do not immediately have tremendously warm feelings for your baby," and that "bonding has no time limit" (AAP, 2025). Here's more on bonding that takes time.

Why is pregnancy so hard for some moms?

Usually it's several things at once.

Your body feels taken over. Nausea, heartburn, aching hips, being too tired to think. ACOG notes that nausea and vomiting of pregnancy can diminish a woman's quality of life, and that because it's so common, it can be minimized, by providers and by pregnant women themselves, and undertreated (ACOG, 2018).

Severe sickness can affect your mood, too. Research has linked hyperemesis gravidarum, a severe form of pregnancy sickness, with higher depression and anxiety scores (Mitchell-Jones and colleagues, Chelsea and Westminster Hospital, 2017). That doesn't make the physical illness any less real. If you can't keep fluids down, contact your OB or midwife right away; severe nausea and vomiting can need urgent medical care (CDC, 2024). Tell them how you're doing emotionally as well.

You've lost control. Food you loved makes you gag. There are rules about what you can eat and drink, and people who comment on your size or reach for your belly without asking. If you cope by planning and staying on top of things, this can feel unbearable.

You're grieving your old life. It's normal to miss the version of you who could have a glass of wine, sleep on her stomach, or say yes to a trip without counting weeks. That identity shift has a name, matrescence, and it starts long before the baby arrives.

You're scared. Worry about the baby's health, the birth, or how you'll manage afterward can make every week feel long. If fear of giving birth is taking over, read about tokophobia.

Old things are coming up. A past loss, a long road through infertility, a history of trauma, or a complicated history with food or your body can all get stirred up by pregnancy. Exams and being touched can bring back feelings you thought you'd put away. It's fair to tell your OB or midwife so they can adjust how they care for you, and a therapist can help too.

What helps when you hate being pregnant?

None of these will make pregnancy fun. They can make it more bearable.

Say it out loud to one person. A partner, a friend, your sister, another mom. "Honestly, I hate being pregnant" is a complete sentence. Hearing "me too" can help more than you'd expect.

Tell your OB or midwife the whole picture. How much you're throwing up, how little you're sleeping, how you're feeling. You don't have to tough it out to prove you're a good mom, and they can only help with what they know about.

Stop performing. You don't owe anyone a glowing answer. When someone asks if you're loving it, "It's been rough, honestly" is enough. And if bump photos and "best time of my life" posts leave you feeling worse, mute them for a while.

When is it prenatal depression or anxiety?

Hating how pregnancy feels is different from depression, but the two can overlap. Depression during pregnancy is easy to miss, because so many of its signs get blamed on nausea and exhaustion.

One question I'd ask is whether the bad feeling is about pregnancy or about everything. On a day when your body cooperates, does your mood lift a little? Or is it the same flat, heavy feeling no matter how you feel physically? A lift doesn't rule out depression or anxiety, though, and if you're sick every day, go by the signs below.

It's time to talk to a professional if:

• You feel sad, empty, or hopeless most of the day, nearly every day, for two weeks or more.
• You've lost interest in things you usually enjoy, more than being sick or tired explains.
• Guilt or worthlessness won't let up: "This baby deserves better." "I'm already failing."
• You're worried most of the day or lying awake with your mind racing even when your body is comfortable.
• You have scary, unwanted thoughts or images you can't shake. These are common with anxiety and OCD, and having them doesn't mean you want to act on them.
• You're having panic attacks: a racing heart, chest pain, trouble breathing, dizziness. Don't assume it's anxiety. Unless a doctor has already checked these symptoms and given you a plan, get medical care right away, and call 911 if it's severe.
• Fear of the birth is taking over, or you're avoiding prenatal appointments.
• You feel cut off from the pregnancy and the baby, and it's weighing on you.
• You've had depression or anxiety before, and you can feel it coming back.

If it's severe or getting worse quickly, you don't need to wait for two weeks to pass. Recognizing prenatal depression early goes through the warning signs in more detail.

If you're thinking about suicide or need crisis support, call or text 988. Call 911 if you or your baby is in immediate danger. For support that isn't an emergency, you can call or text Postpartum Support International's HelpLine at 1-800-944-4773, and a trained volunteer will get back to you.

You also don't have to be in crisis, or sure it's depression, to get help. ACOG recommends that OBs and midwives screen for depression and anxiety during pregnancy and after birth (ACOG, 2023), so bring it up if no one has asked. A therapist who works with pregnancy can help you sort out what's the pregnancy, what's depression or anxiety, and what to do about each. NIMH (2023) lists cognitive behavioral therapy and interpersonal therapy as evidence-based treatments for perinatal depression. If medication comes up, that's a decision to make with your OB or a psychiatric prescriber.

If you'd like to talk it through with me, you can book a free 15-minute consultation. I see moms in person in Austin, TX, and online across Texas and 40+ PSYPACT states, and that first call is a chance to figure out what kind of support fits.

You can want this baby with your whole heart and still hate being pregnant. You're not the only one, and you don't have to carry it alone.

Sources

• American Academy of Pediatrics. Your Newborn's First Hour: Getting to Know Each Other. HealthyChildren.org, last updated 2025.
• American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Nausea and Vomiting of Pregnancy. Practice Bulletin No. 189, Obstetrics & Gynecology, 2018.
• American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Screening and Diagnosis of Mental Health Conditions During Pregnancy and Postpartum. Clinical Practice Guideline No. 4, Obstetrics & Gynecology, 2023.
• Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Urgent Maternal Warning Signs and Symptoms. HEAR HER Campaign, 2024.
• Mitchell-Jones N, Gallos I, Farren J, Tobias A, Bottomley C, Bourne T. Psychological morbidity associated with hyperemesis gravidarum: a systematic review and meta-analysis. BJOG, 2017.
• National Institute of Mental Health. Perinatal Depression. NIH Publication No. 23-MH-8116, 2023.
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. What to Expect.
• Postpartum Support International. Perinatal Mental Health: Signs, Symptoms and Treatment and Get Help.