A lot of good parents don’t feel the bond right away

Transcript

This is one of the hardest things for moms to admit in my office. You love your baby, but you don't feel that warm connected bond that you expected. So you wonder what's wrong with you, but here's what I want you to know. Bonding isn't instant for everyone. If you're not feeling super bonded to your baby, that's not a personality flaw. You have to think about bonding. It happens when the nervous system feels safe. And after birth, many moms are exhausted, overwhelmed and running on survival mode. When your system's just trying to like get through the day, sometimes connection comes later, not first. I like to remind the moms that I work with that sometimes bonding is an instant. Sometimes connection takes months to grow, just like any normal relationship. When you fell in love with your partner, it probably wasn't on the first night. But typically love takes a long time to grow. Babies can be the same thing. So if you don't feel completely bonded, this does not mean that you missed your chance. It means that your brain is protecting you. It's trying to get you through the day and then connection will come later. As support increases, as your sleep improves, as your mental health is cared for, bonding often grows naturally. So you are not broken. There's nothing wrong with you. You're not a bad mom. Sometimes it just takes time to feel that close bond with baby.